Merry Drunkmas! (or, Who Will Be your God?)

Merry Thanksgivoween, and God bless us, every one!  I hope you're enjoying your holiday.  I am, and I'm looking forward to Ramahanukwanzmas with great anticipation.  As the (rest) of the holiday season approaches, I thought it would be nice (and politically correct) to highlight a few of the holidays celebrated around the world, to illustrate that despite our diverse backgrounds, we really do have more racially in common (as members of the human race *little teardrop*) than we have that separates us.

We may as well address the first and most prominent (despite all earthly efforts) holiday, and get that out of the way as quickly as possible.  Christmas.    I'll breeze past that one by cutting and pasting the Wikipedia definition so we can move on to more pertinent celebrations:

Christmas (Old English: Crīstesmæsse, meaning "Christ's Mass") is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ[5][6] and a widely observed holiday, celebrated generally on December 25[2][3][4] by billions of people around the world. The term "Mass" is derived from the Late Latin word missa (dismissal), a word used in the concluding formula of Mass in Latin: "Ite, missa est" ("Go; it is the dismissal").[ The word 'dismissal' has come to imply a 'mission'. These few words succinctly express the missionary nature of the Church". (Pope Benedict XVI, Sacramentum caritatis, 51) A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, [Christmas] closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide.[7] Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations,[8][9][10] is celebrated by an increasing number of non-Christians,[1][11][12] and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.

Done.  There are a few other holidays deemed important around this time of year which I should mention.  Thanksgiving-- American, Hannukah--Jewish, Kwanzaa--Pan-African, Yalda-- Iranian, Chinese New Year-- uh... Chinese.  There.  On to the more important holidays, the ones shared by just about all humanity the world over.

Presentmas is a seasonal, universal favorite, though its charm can be felt all year round.  This celebration culminates in a day referred to in North America as Black Friday, that ethereal day of the year when every soul turns black just long enough to jump into a commercial pit of vipers and procure all the holiday cheer that money can buy, most often with money that exists only in the spirited imagination of the buyer.  Oh yes, crumudgeons may try to convince celebrators of Presentmas that the money truly does not exist, but faithful worshippers will always believe in it.  Holidays of regional similarity include Walmartmas, Toys-R-Usmas, BestBuymas, the new hybrid Cyber Monday, and Mallmas (or Mission to Mall).

There are a few winter holidays that were once confined to a smaller percentage of the earth's population, but which, through widespread popularity, have come to flourish in every ethnic, economic, and social clime.  Bickermas was historically celebrated in conjunction with other holidays, and then only on the occasion when all family dysfunction came together into the perfect magical winter storm.  In some homes today, it is found as an enduring family tradition, and in others a holiday in itself.
Other such holidays that have blossomed everywhere are Drunkmas, Discontentmas, Anticlimaxmas, Selfdestructmas, and Indifferentmas.

The following holidays were once mentioned as offshoots of the root celebration Christmas, but have been found to actually have a root system all their own, having sprung up from an entirely separate intention.  Romancemas, Partymas, Glutmas, Santamas, Grinchmas, and TMZmas are occasions wherein all the external traditions of Christmas are employed, but the god of worship has been replaced to accomodate respective religious differences. 


Merry Glutmas!

Many cultures, most especially in the American and European regions, participate in the cumpulsory Twelve Days of Cousin Eddie.  This period of time is a proving ground wherein one entertains and endures the company of all those whom he is expected to love but secretly despises, from the most aggravating relative to the most irritating coworker.  Participants in this symbolic test of man- or womanhood are thereafter rewarded with the lavish celebration of Glutmas, Drunkmas, or a fusion of the two.

Though data has never been collected, it is generally accepted that a majority of people on earth today celebrate one or all of these holidays in lieu of the traditional 'Christ Mass' of the more ancient societies.  Which of these 'missions' is right for you depends entirely upon the diety you choose to worship, whether consciously or subconsciously.  Individuals often find their perfect celebratory match merely by falling in wherever the social tide carries them, necessitating no forethought whatsoever. 

But there remain a stubborn few willing to fight that tide and make a deliberate swim in the direction of a real 'mission,' a real and discernible God, a celebration founded in relevant, absolute, eternal, immutable truths.  The products of such an effort are inevitably love instead of lust, faith instead of fear, companionship instead of loneliness, nourishment instead of satiation, clarity instead of confusion, order instead of chaos, peace instead of conflict, joy instead of novelty, wholeness instead of fragmentation, bounty instead of poverty, completeness instead of want.

Woman at the Well, Liz Lemon Swindle

Such a 'mass' is not widely recognized in modern civilization.  Popular culture does not promote it, as there is no economic, political, or secular gain to me made in its advancement.  But in the quieter corners of society, in homes built upon the foundation of Christ, in individuals and families grounded in tangibly true principles, these aforementioned rare qualities can still be found. 

So what will your 'mission' be this year?  Who will be your God?





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